Today, the first day of April, Google has announced that it is launching the Google Gulp limited-release thirst-quenching beta. According to Google:

"... Our mission is to organize the world's information and make it useful and accessible to our users. But any piece of information's usefulness derives, to a depressing degree, from the cognitive ability of the user who's using it. That's why we're pleased to announce Google Gulp (BETA)™ with Auto-Drink™ (LIMITED RELEASE), a line of "smart drinks" designed to maximize your surfing efficiency by making you more intelligent, and less thirsty."

Today, the first day of April, The Register reports that Apple Computer co-founder and CEO Steve Jobs will be joining Ikea next month as 'acting CEO.' This new role is in addition to his twin CEO roles at Apple and Pixar Animation Studios.

In an apparently-unrelated move, The Mac Observer reports that Apple Computer will switch to the Microsoft Windows Media format as its default for the flagship iPod and iTunes products. "Microsoft has scored a success with consumers with its 'More Choice' campaign," said Apple vice president Phil Schiller. "Our customers have been letting us know that they expect that choice from Apple, and partnering with Microsoft seemed the best way to achieve that."

Today, the first day of April, PalmOne announced that it plans to acquire Iraq for an undisclosed amount of cash and stock. PalmOne is the maker of the Zire and Tungsten PDAs and Treo smartphones, while Iraq is a fledgeling middle-eastern Democracy recovering from decades of tyrants, economic sanctions, and war.

"This is a wonderful opportunity for PalmOne to diversify into fighting stubborn insurgencies and nation-building," said one PalmOne executive. "After all, it's not like the PDA industry has any better prospects at this point."

The deal must still receive a final go-ahead from PalmOne stockholders and U.S. regulators, both of whom are expected to approve.

Beginning today, the first day of April, Off on a Tangent will be presented as a mirror image to express solidarity with the man-in-the-mirror himself (and reincarnated Lipizzan horse), Michael Jackson.

Peace, my white brother.

Please leave your questions and comments; I'm interested to hear what you all think of the new look (especially since Michael's trial may go on for some time)!

I've posted five opinion pieces (edited for grammar and clarity) that originally appeared in the Liberty High School Sentinel newspaper in spring 2000.

My Sentinel column -- while pretty crappy in comparison to my recent work -- was the predecessor to the pieces that continue to appear semi-regularly on this site today. My columns were popular mainly because I had the guts to criticize the school's stupid policies (and one stupid Assistant Principal). I can't tell you how many people came up to me after each newspaper hit the school to tell me that they were glad somebody had finally said it.

Regardless, the columns are worth reading for those of you who have an interest on how I got started doing these things. You'll find them on the last page of 'Opinion & Commentary' in the 'Nonfiction' section.

More than 300 people are reported dead in the aftermath of a powerful earthquake off the coast of Indonesia. Thousands of residents in Thailand, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, and elsewhere evacuated from coastal areas after the quake hit the region around 11:10am (EST) and governments issued tsunami warnings. Now, however, the danger of a new tsunami appears to have passed.

Measuring about 8.7 on the Richter scale, today's quake occurred on the same fault line as the 9.2 earthquake that triggered a massive tsunami on December 26, 2004. That tsunami was among the most deadly and expensive natural disasters in history.